Myths of Marriage No. 9

“I have been trying to set out some of the more common ideas that plague marriages and seeking to expose them to the light with the goal that our Church shall have within it the most dynamic and happiest marriages anywhere. Today, I share with you something I often hear when asking an engaged couple why they would like to marry each other. Often I hear, “We are so like each other.” Then after the wedding and some months have gone by, I hear them day, “We have discovered how really different we are from each other.” The myth of marriage here is that marriage requires common interests and similar personalities. Actually the step of finding out how different your mate is a place of real growth. Now you are relating to the person whom you actually married not the one you saw through rose-colored glasses. And that person is very different from you. But the differences are something to celebrate and thank God for. They are God’s tools to shape and refine you. They stretch you to experience life in some new and wonderful ways, so that you are to build upon your differences. Rejoice in them and use them to add variety of interest and perspective and attitude to your life. As much as you can, try to find out why your mate feels the way he or she does about certain things, and as far as possible enter into that world. Then you will discover a oneness that rises out of the diversity. That is the strongest oneness of all. A key difference between you is your maleness and femaleness. That is the polarity on which God wants to build, therefore make the most of this difference. Seek to be as much the man as you can be and as much the woman. Let there be no blurring of the lines and the consequent loss of this blessed polarity. That means cultivating manliness and femininity for all you are worth so that your mate can delight in you as the precious gift God has prepared. A danger sets into marriage when a husband and wife cease being attracted to one another. Work at being as attractive to your beloved as you can be, accenting the differences God has put within you. The polarity is the essence of your union. Your marriage is built on this difference. Differences are not something to wish away in your marriage. There are great treasures to be enjoyed and for which to be profoundly grateful.”

– Glen C. Knecht


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