03
May
08

Secret Insecurities

I think most women have a secret insecurity. We seem to start developing about the same time we start to care what other people think of us. It’s usually something stupid. It can be the shape of our toes, or how we can never figure out how to start a conversation with a perfect stranger or maybe it’s our not so fashionable sense of fashion, or the fact that we can’t wrap a birthday present very well. It’s just something that you know isn’t perfect. I can’t speak for everyone, but mine pop up at regular intervals, wreaking havoc on my confidence and happiness. I don’t have my demons under control. I’ve been working on it for years. It did help to get married. Ben is really good about finding the perfect compliment and the more I hear them, the more I’ve learned to believe them. He likes my eyes and my nose. I never did until he did and the very fact that he likes them makes them endearing to me, instead of being too small (eyes) and too long (nose). But the truth of the matter is, my now not-so-secret insecurities are a sin problem. Vanity, obviously. Being obsessive, definitely. But it’s worse then that. If I allow these thoughts and worries into my head, it makes me unhappy…and I have no right to be unhappy. God created me, my eyes, my nose, yes, even my thighs and to dislike like the body God gave me is very disrespectful (not to mention arrogant). It carries over to new insecurities, too. Like my stretch mark and my mom-pouch (for those of you who don’t know, belly skin never fully goes back after being pregnant). I acquired those attributes because God blessed Ben and I with Ophelia. How horrible of me to be unhappy with the “side effects”. They should be glorious, not something I’m ashamed of. When it comes to abstract insecurities, the time I spend worrying about them and allowing them to pick away at my happiness is time I should be spending focusing on how to fix them or (live with them.) It’s downright selfish of me to be worrying about my bad social skills when I should just be happy to be with friends. Anyone worth talking too isn’t going to mind that I’m a terrible conversation starter, or that when I talk my words come out disconnected because my head is going faster then my mouth. And if I happen to be talking to a really good person, they’ll even help me work through it by giving me practice and be a better person for it. Sorry, if I’m rambling here. I was just thinking about it today. It’s a problem for me. I’m working on it, so I don’t have any really good advise. I just know that I need to work on it and that I’m not alone. It’s been going on for generations and I really want to figure out how to fix it before my daughter starts having secret insecurities of her own. Perhaps, if I get ahold of my sin problems, she won’t have such a bad case of secret insecurities.

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6 Responses to “Secret Insecurities”


  1. May 4, 2008 at 6:11 am

    I know exactly what you mean. Realizing that a kind of self-criticism is sinful discontent puts a new light on it. I used to think I was too curvy, and it took over a year of my husband complimenting me and swearing that he loves my curves for me to believe him, because I am a sinful person.

  2. 2 jos
    May 4, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    the thing about having no insecurities is (in my opinion) knowing your imperfections and think ‘so what’?
    you can’t let your child grow up thinking she is perfect because when one day she realise she is not – she will go berserk.
    it is more of knowing your flaws and either thinking who cares – or that its’ alright.
    and i totally could not agree with the whole God-made-me-I-can’t-complaint part. there is nothing wrong in complaining about imperfections. assuming that he even exist and that he created you (in my head – it is your parents who created you). i don’t see what’s wrong with complaining.

  3. 3 Liz
    May 5, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Hello! I’m Liz from Sing and Shout Crafts (you commented on our blog last summer) and I wanted to respond (quite belatedly) and say thanks for the comment! You had mentioned that you were interested in a shoulder/messenger style bag with a couple of pockets (for key personal items). If you are still interested in something like this, let me know! You can contact me at dutchgirlfabrics@gmail.com.

    Love the pictures – they’re really fabulous!

  4. May 5, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    Rita, welcome to the sinners club! You’re in good company!

    Jos, I think we agree that we need to accept our attributes that the general populous might consider an imperfection or flaw. At least the ones we can’t or shouldn’t change. I have no intention of teaching my daughter she is perfect, obviously, no one is, it’s more a matter of learning to accept and rejoice in the imperfections that are alright to have.

    On creation, I tend to believe that there is most certainly a God and that He choose to bring me into being (I was one of those babies conceived on the 0.03% chance of conception despite my parent’s best efforts!) I was not my parent’s idea, but they tell me they’re happy He choose to override their decision. I’m also in the process of brewing my second child now and between the salutation kicks from my insides and hugs, kisses and cheery morning greetings from my 2 year old daughter, I cannot help but think that God made these people. The whole ordeal is simply too fantastic to be of mine own (and Ben’s) workmanship.

    On complaining, for myself –at least, it makes me very discontent and unhappy to indulge my complaints. I’m also told it’s a rather unattractive attribute. Confident women are generally considered beautiful women. Part of my confidence is drawn from contentment. I want very much to be a beautiful woman so I’m doing my best to learn the art of contentment. But maybe it’s just me. BTW: I love Irish boys, too! 😉 They make amazing husbands and damn good fathers!

  5. 5 kyriosity
    May 7, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Abra, from where I’m sitting, you are doing an amazing job of thinking rightly about such things as this. You’re certainly way ahead of where I was at your age…and are probably still ahead of me. You are beautiful — you reflect the beauty of Christ’s workmanship in you, and you are confident not so much in yourself as in Him. I am blessed to know you!

  6. May 7, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Thanks, Valerie. I’m blessed to know you, as well.


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