When I was looking over our blog stats today, I noticed someone had found our site by typing in “how to flirt with your husband in bed”. Huh. Well, let me first say, there isn’t a paint-by-numbers kit for marital interaction. There are a couple key words, though. I’ve been married for 3 1/2 years. I don’t claim to have it all figured out or to be good at it, but this is what I have learned…
Breathe: Relax. Enjoy the moment. Don’t worry. Don’t stress. Don’t over think it. Just go with it.
Confidence: This is big, big, biggie for women. Any man will tell you that a beautiful woman is a confident woman. Our husbands will love us regardless, but if you ask him (and I encourage you to do so) he will tell you that you are most lovely and irresistible when you aren’t worrying about your imperfections. The bedroom is not the place to be self conscious of your stretch marks, belly, arms, thighs, breasts and freckles. It really helps me to think about serving my husband when I’m feeling vanity weigh me down. Embrace your man. He loves you. Your stretch marks represent the baby you made together. A full belly is a rejoicing belly. Your arms are there to hold your husband. Your breasts to satisfy him. Your freckles are uniquely you, the uniquely you your husband knows and loves.
Selflessness: I think, as women, sometimes we get so wrapped up in “seducing” our husbands that we forget why we are there. Flirting is one of the preludes to relations. You are priming your engines, heating the oven, preparing your husband and yourself for sex. As a wife, sex is about your husband (just as much for him, sex is about you.) Christ’s relationship with the church has taught us that marriage is about giving yourself to another person. To your husband, to your children, to your home. Sex is enjoyable to us, but for us, it isn’t about us. Does that make sense? You are there to please your husband. He is there is please you. Focus on him. Give of yourself. Don’t be a selfish lover. Glorify God.
Humor: This is the big one, too. Life is funny. People are funny. Sex is funny. Have a sense of humor. Laugh together. Laugh at yourself. The bedroom is a place for restoration and passion. Laughter is passion. And a happy wife makes a happy husband. A happy couple makes a happy home.
Prepare: This is something Mrs. Wilson taught me. It isn’t easy for most women to feel ready to jump into bed the second their husband gets home from work. Due to busy schedules, children, chemical imbalances, whatever, we usually have lower libidos. Part of being a good wife, is preparing yourself to please your husband in bed. Especially if you tend to not be “in the mood” it is important to make yourself be in the mood. Again, it’s part of not being selfish.
- Mrs. Wilson suggested a shower and a shave before bed. That way you’ll be prepared and clean. Washed.
- A tip I picked up is to find something that you think is sexy. It might be a note your husband wrote you, it might be a tube of lipstick, it might be jewelry, or a photograph of your wedding day. Whatever it is, put it in plain view. Tack it up on your cork board, hang it around your neck. Put it somewhere you’ll see it repeatedly all day long. Use it to remind yourself that tonight, you’re going to make love.
- I think cultivating an atmosphere of intimacy in your bedroom also helps. Clean sheets, a canopy perhaps, romance. Don’t allow your bedroom to become an extension of your living room. Your bedroom is your space. It’s your oasis. It’s your place of rest. It is not public domain. Keep the door shut. Don’t allow your children to leave their toys in there. If possible, don’t allow the kids to play in there. It’s Mom and Dad’s space. The kids have their own rooms.
- Part of keeping your bedroom a sanctuary, is to keep it personal. Do not compare sex stories with your girlfriends. You should not make your love life a topic of conversation. You and your husband should be able to let your hair down. It’s your room. It’s soundproof. What goes on in there is between you and your husband. It’s not tea conversation. Never make your husband feel like what goes on in your bedroom is going to be relayed to your friends.
- Email, text or call your husband during the day. Call him to tell him you love him. Call him to tell him something that made you laugh today. Remind yourself that your in love with him by making the connection.
- If you’re struggling with your libido due to medication, ask your doctor about taking the herbal supplement Maca. I’ve found it to take the edge off anti-depressant side effects. It doesn’t taste bad and it is pretty affordable.
Whoa! Long post. Sorry. Your intimate relationship is such cornerstone of life. It’s hugely important. Christian women should be good lovers. Again, I’m not saying I’m any good at this stuff, but I know I should be striving to be better at them. The Christian life is one to be envious of, that includes what goes on behind closed doors. I hope that helps whoever is looking for ways to spice up your bedroom. May the Lord bless your bedroom and make it fruitful (in ways beyond your wildest dreams. ;-))